Sunday, November 26, 2006

Yesterday I quit. I couldn’t do it. Strange. I’m not me anymore. I think I know why. Actually, I do know why. Sigh. What is happening? Where am I heading? Is this right? I don’t know what is right anymore. I used to know so well. I used to tell people. How sweet is the feeling of losing myself in work. Just drowning. Blocking out life. Ignoring facts. Living a dream. Or is this reality? Walla I don’t know anymore. I am lost. My shield is weakening. Curse you. Life couldn’t be about work all the time. How easy it is to lie. Which me am I now? How hard it is to lie. How easy it is to steal. I don’t lie.

I drink the color from the sky and turn blue.


At 11:56 a.m., November 26, 2006, Blogger Raven said...

Tough situation. Allah yisahhil.. Best word of advice is use the upcoming break to reflect on your priorities and in sha Allah khair..

At 1:40 p.m., November 26, 2006, Blogger TANTALIZE said...

Maybe you haven't realized that you are found. It might just take time to understand your self-relinquishing role from one entity to another; from one phase to another; from thinking you are lost to actually being found. It's called self-awareness.


At 4:11 p.m., November 26, 2006, Blogger Shimozi said...

There is always a way out. Reflection.

I remember a really great quote from one of the famous feminists Carolyn Forché: "What takes me away from my work, becomes my work" VERY TRUE..
I am sure you will choose what you want.. You are smart and courageous
And, oh, as the amazing Greek philosopher Socrates said "Know Thyself"

At 6:39 a.m., November 27, 2006, Blogger white witch said...

We all go through such phases, what's important is to take the time and look at the whole picture, set your priorities, and listen to your heart too, don't ignore it.
It will lead you out of this

At 7:29 a.m., November 27, 2006, Blogger Jihad said...

This could be the best thing that have ever happened to you.

Now you can stop making money for someone else and start your own thing. Set your own rules, work on your own schedule, and only do things that interest you. I'm not sure what industry you're in, but there's always place for a startup company.

Think about it: No boss to order you around. No boring tasks. No waking up at 7 AM. just thinking about this is making me dizzy.

Now is the right time to take a serious shot at entrepreneurship. The Kingdom's economy is booming at rates never seen before. It's a chance that you don't see every day.

I would kill to be in your position. Wish you the best of luck.

At 1:23 p.m., November 27, 2006, Blogger Veva said...

Hey girl things happen for a reason. If you needed to quit so be it, work is not everything and wont make you 100% happy. You need balance. I know we tend to be workaholics but that doesnt mean it is right! You dont need to know every single step of your future now... you will figure it out as time pass by. Take your time, relax and enjoy your youth...
You will find a better fit soon I am sure.

At 4:23 p.m., November 27, 2006, Blogger DP said...

Life presents us with a bunch of hoops and at each one, we have the option of jumping through or not. At the end of the day, the nature of the hoop is inconsequential - but rather, the impact of our decision to (or not to) jump through yet another hoop.

I've always been an advocate for asking two questions (regarding hoops, sacrifices, decisions or what have you):
1. [Would] you regret your decision? Or do you look back and wonder 'what if' or 'if i had only'
2. Are you happy with yourself?

Just as with everything else, if you arent happy then no matter what -- that unhappiness (or disastifaction or concern or what have you) will leak out.

I wish there was an easy, mechanical answer or advice I could give you. Listen to your heart cuz at the end of the day, when you're closing your eyes -- if's your heart that you owe an explaination to.

Best wishes.

At 3:54 a.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger Mystique said...

You wrote " Actually, I do know why."
I ask you "Do you?"

What can I say sunshine, this might be a life changing thought/decision..

You're living your dream don't you think? wasn't it your dream to graduate from Waterloo? Wasn't it your dream to work in CISCO? and you've got it?
It's very normal that living our dreams frighten us, makes us scared and even more worried, sometimes we even walk out of this dream.. simply because we can't realize it, we can't believe that we've finally found that entity we've been aiming for all our lives.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
Anais Nin

Hold on, don't let go of anything you fought for, you've dreamed about, and dedicated your time,energy, and knowledge to achieve it..
life gets sometimes very tricky and malicious, sometimes we can't comprehend our reality that we've almost got everything we've wanted, it scares us.... humans..

It's normal to feel like that, just don't give up on that dream of yours that you're living now..
Tantalize's comment might be very relevant to mine to some degree, it is self-awareness indeed..

My Warmest Regards

At 2:21 p.m., November 30, 2006, Blogger ren_crow said...

Dont get too upset. You're still young and u got a whole life ahead of u.
Maybe now is a good time to prioritize your life. I agree with what jihad said. U could start your own business and become your own boss. I have the feeling you could go really far.

take care, and good luck!;)

At 5:31 p.m., November 30, 2006, Blogger Urooj said...

Hey sunshine,
I know you haven't quit as such. It's probably just a phase. You are gonna be just fine. Even the toughest get worn out at times. You've got a great foundation for an awesome future. Give yourself a break at times!


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