Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I don't wanna miss a thing....

It feels like yesterday I have just arrived in Jeddah. I can't believe I am leaving again. I hate flying now. I really do. The long hours, the flight connections, leaving loved ones behind whichever place I leave. I didn't have enough of Jeddah, my family and my friends. I am not satisfied yet. Do you know that feeling? When you dread the inevitable?? I know my flight is late Thursday to London... but I am in denial. I am using all my mental powers to push that date.

I asked my mother to accompany me to Toronto and stay with my for a while. Maybe a month? Until my brother comes and joins me in June :D LOL of course, she couldn't leave because my parents are busy with the new house. I asked her at least to come with until London... hehehe, yes, I am that desperate. She just patted me on the head.

It's funny how I consider myself a strong and independent person, but when it comes to family, they are my weakness. I love to travel the world and jet from one continent to another, but I feel actual, physical pain whenever I have to leave them behind.

My mom was reading the newspaper, then she started laughing. I came over to check out what she was laughing over. It was a cartoon which depicted a man inside a big a bird cage, holding the bars and looking outside. Then, in the next strip, the cage door is open for the man to flee, but the man stood with his back to the door and chose to stay in it!

She said this is you. Finally, you are given your freedom. I carry my passport (and an unlimited permission slip - necessary for saudi women to cross the border) with valid visas to all the major continents and I have my own account with a balance that no one knows how much and no one controls besides me =). I can fly to Russia if I choose to. I can work in Europe if I want to. However, I choose to turn my back to the world to stay in my parent's house.

With all the noise, with all the crowdedness(is this right?), with all the rules and regulations that come with my parent's house, I choose to stay in it. I want to live each day with my parents and my four other siblings (and grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends) and I don't wanna close my eyes, don't wanna fall asleep and I don't wanna miss a thing.

Funny how I always wanted to be a citizen of the world when I was young. Now, all I want to be is a citizen of the mama-and-papa's-house-of-fun.

3 Comments:

At 12:50 p.m., April 27, 2006, Blogger ghoweljlsfqwef said...

If you buy me a first class ticket, I'm willing to accompany you wherever you wanna go :)

 
At 12:15 a.m., April 28, 2006, Blogger feveri said...

haha...aww that's kinda cute actually. Oh well, you'll have your share the next time you're here...perhaps...(just for the sake of brightening up ur separationness):p

 
At 5:22 a.m., April 28, 2006, Blogger DiDi said...

It may be fear of change.. or fear of responsibility.. it's just soooo much safer the same old way.. but honestly, aren't u happy back "home"?.. :)

I guess it's part of growing up..

Growing up kinda sucks..

P.S. i miss u too when u leave :)

 

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